


finding where the sun sleeps

by noeller



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boys In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, also isak cares about the environment a lot, even tries to fix it, they're both sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 09:31:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20598551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noeller/pseuds/noeller
Summary: “I know this is stupid impulsive, but we both need something to change. Do you trust me?” Isak agrees without any further explanation, and Even can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing.Or: Isak’s heart is broken. Even thinks his brain is, too. Running away from their problems seems like the obvious solution.Or: an evak road trip au





	finding where the sun sleeps

**Author's Note:**

> here's how the sequence of events goes. i saw [this](https://glitteryevak.tumblr.com/post/187583680063/generalgrievousdatingsim-summers-almost-over) text post. five minutes later i had a google doc with this story mapped out, and now here we are.

Life isn’t that bad when they meet.

It’s Isak’s first year of university and Even’s second. They’re paired together for a project in a physics class that Isak’s taking because he wants to and Even’s taking because he has to have a science credit.

Their attachment is instant.

Isak’s the most fascinating person Even’s ever known. He has this look in his eyes when he talks about the universe that Even can never stop looking at. He seems to have an explanation for everything but he’s genuinely excited in the purest way to explain things to people who don’t understand.

They’re best friends and there’s no pain. People insist that they’re in denial about their feelings, but those people just don’t understand the bond they have, Even’s sure.

Even hopes to one day make a movie about it, about two friends who love each other unconditionally and would support each other no matter what. He can already imagine the color pallette, all pinks and oranges and golds, because those are the colors Isak’s presence reminds him of.

They spend a lot of time together, sometimes doing homework, or watching a movie, or laying across from each other on Isak’s bed as they get high enough to share their deepest secrets with no shame. Sometimes it’s less pretty than that. Isak will get wasted and need to be dragged home or Even will sleep for three days straight when it hurts too much to not, but that never stops the love between them.

Isak gets a boyfriend and Even likes him a lot. He’s a sweet guy and seems to treat Isak the way he deserves to be treated. Even’s friends look sympathetic when they hear, but he rolls his eyes, because he’s happy for his friend.

When things start going wrong for Isak, Even’s the first to notice.

The first thing he sees is the bags under his eyes getting darker and darker as the days go by. Isak seems spaced out half the time and has less and less energy to be the person Even knows. It’s springtime and Isak wears more layers than Even’s ever seen him in, and they’re mostly black.

It scares Even when he realizes that Isak’s presence no longer makes him think of golds and pinks but of purple and black and blue.

Isak sleeps through class one day and Even’s heart hurts the whole time.

But even though his own pain seems so prominent, Isak still makes Even a priority when things crumble for him, when things are so fast and then out of nowhere so slow and agonizing. All of his friends care, but Isak is the only person that seems to understand.

The recovery is slow and it hurts, and no matter what Even does, he can’t seem to get past the last hurdle, the one that means the depression is over and he’s fully Even again.

They both finish the year feeling like they’ve run a marathon, exhausted and overwhelmed, but still accomplished. They go out to celebrate and Isak’s boyfriend is nowhere to be seen and no one can tell him why.

They sleep in Isak’s bed and spend the whole next day together, and it feels wrong. They’re both sad and hurting and Even can’t get past how it sort of feels like his Isak is gone.

His idea is born that day when Isak’s resting on his shoulder and paying silent attention to a movie he’d usually be making fun of at every opportunity.

They need a change, and they both need something, so why not figure it out together.

\---

Even’s mom drives a big car, one of the ones where all the seats fold down in the back to make a flat surface, and Even knows he’s getting ahead of himself a little when he asks, but she agrees to lend it to him for a few weeks after he explains that he needs this.

He buys an air mattress and fits it in with all the blankets and pillows he can find, including his own duvet. He packs a duffel bag and leaves his apartment with his nice camera, a completely blank notebook, and no plans beyond picking Isak up.

\---

It’s noon, but Isak seems to be just waking up. He has to take a minute to process when Even says, “I know this is stupid impulsive, but we both need something to change. Do you trust me?” He agrees without any further explanation, and Even can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing.

It takes Isak 10 minutes to pack a bag and get ready, and he doesn’t ask any questions beyond the length of time they’ll be gone. Even starts off driving while Isak calls into work to say he’s taking a vacation. They’ve been driving for no more than 20 minutes when the situation seems to hit Isak.

He makes them stop before they leave Oslo for some supplies, namely food that will stay good, toiletries and hygiene products that they can use without a proper bathroom, and a rechargeable power bank for their phones and laptops and Even’s camera battery. He laughs and says it’s typical that Even only thought of the aesthetic and romanticism, but Even just rolls his eyes and adds a cheap string of fairy lights to their cart, but then thanks Isak for making sure they won’t die on this trip.

They eat dry cereal for lunch out of a biodegradable bowl that Isak insisted they get instead of the much cheaper paper ones because “we’re driving this huge car across the country, so we should at least buy sustainable plates. The earth is dying, Ev.” Even keeps driving and Isak feeds him a few pieces of cereal when he asks for them.

As they’re leaving Oslo, all Even knows is that he wants to go north, he wants to get away from the city for a little bit, and he wants to see all the beautiful scenery they can see without the stress and time pressure that comes with planning a trip like this. Isak still isn’t asking any questions, so Even just goes with the plan he thought of in the ten minutes of relative silence they’ve had so far.

He knows about the tourist routes, had taken one with his parents once when he was too young to stay awake through a whole day of traveling. He knows that they’re kind of tourist traps, but he doesn’t leave Oslo enough to be able to plan a trip like this on a whim without some guidance. Plus, they wouldn’t be famous routes if they weren’t beautiful.

He doesn’t know where exactly to start, still, because none of them start in Oslo, so he asks Isak to look them up and then he starts following the road signs to Stavanger, because if they’re doing this then why not just go for it.

They stop for their first fuel up and Even gets out his notebook, labels a few pages and leaves them blank so he can make sure this is documented in the appropriate order later. He wants this to be a memory he can keep forever.

They play a game when they get back on the road. They put Even’s spotify on shuffle and debate which songs they should skip and which ones they should listen to, and if they listen to one, Isak writes it down in Even’s notebook, an unofficial playlist.

(“Gabrielle isn’t going on our official playlist, Even.”

“Yes it is. I need proof that you agreed to listen to it.”)

They stop every single time one of them sees something nice that they want to take a photo of. They mostly use their phones, but when the sun starts setting, Even gets out his nice camera for a “day 1 photoshoot,” insisting that they’ll do something similar every day for the memories.

They get dinner at some vegan place that they stumble upon, both getting a different meal and picking things off the other’s plate and sharing a bowl of vanilla almond milk ice cream for dessert that Isak loves and Even isn’t too fond of.

Even strings up the fairy lights he bought and plugs them into the powerbank just long enough to get a photo before they mess up the sheets. Isak rolls his eyes and calls Even an aesthetic slut, but Even catches him taking a sneaky photo for his instagram story.

They both get into bed with t shirts on for the sake of public decency, even though the windows are tinted. Even scrolls through instagram and Isak falls asleep in two minutes flat. Even doesn’t know if should be concerned or impressed that someone with chronic insomnia is dead asleep in such a short amount of time, but for now he’s just happy that Isak seems so relaxed.

Even doesn’t go to sleep right away. He’s not tired and had actually been planning to ask Isak to watch a movie with him before he noticed Isak was sleeping. He decides instead to look at the photos he got today, maybe edit one for instagram before he lays back down.

He can’t resist the temptation and snaps a photo of Isak sleeping when he has his camera out. He thinks it’s important to document since Isak never sleeps like this and he’s able to on an air mattress in the back of a car during summer.

The photo he chooses to edit is of the back of Isak’s head as he looks at the sunset. Even knows it’s incredibly cliche, but it makes him happy, and that’s what this whole trip is supposed to be about.

He messes around for another hour or so, and then he lays down. The air mattress isn’t exactly quiet and he knows Isak had to have been exhausted to not wake up from the noise Even’s been making, so he tries not to jostle him around as he adjusts himself and the blanket to get comfortable.

His mind is racing from excitement and anticipation until he starts listening to Isak breathe. He tries to match his own to it and falls asleep.

\---

Things feel a little less frantic the next morning.

The first day of the trip felt like it was all about escaping, and now it feels like it’s about taking their time and doing what’s best for just the two of them.

They eat granola bars for breakfast and Isak starts off the drive while Even faces the consequences of not telling his friends and roommates he was leaving, doing his best to keep his own sanity intact while he tries to convince half a dozen people that he’s neither manic nor suicidal. He gives Isak’s neck a mini massage with one of his hands because Isak is “only driving until the stress headache starts,” and Even doesn’t want him to be so tense that he’s in actual pain.

They play their music game again, but with Isak’s phone this time and Even writing them down. Even takes a couple dozen photos of Isak driving, says he needs proof that it’s happening since this is probably the first time this year Isak’s been in the driver’s seat. They pass some sort of farmers market type thing and get a few fruits and vegetables and such for lunch and a couple more for the next few days in the car.

They cut it up with a pocket knife that was probably in the car for safety and sit on the mattress with their legs hanging out the back to eat. Even sets up his camera with a self timer to capture the moment and Isak rolls his eyes, but complies.

“You know, you don’t have to take photos of every single moment. We can remember some things, I think,” Isak says.

“But what about when we’re both old and forget everything. I’ll have these photos and I can be like ‘wow remember this road trip we took when I was 22 that we almost died on. That was crazy’ and you won’t remember because you don’t have photos.”

“I’ll just look at yours, then. And let’s not speak the almost dying thing into existence if we can help it.”

“You don’t believe in speaking things into existence. Don’t start with me.”

Even takes back over the driving after that. Isak offers to keep going, but Even can see him squinting and touching his temple, which means he has a headache forming and hasn’t realized yet. Even through all of the chaos and urgency when Even packed up his stuff, he remembered to grab a bottle of painkillers for Isak’s headaches, and Isak asks for one five minutes later.

They get out to explore Stavanger a little bit, but neither of them find anything that’s interesting enough to spend more than a few minutes on, so they’re back on the road shortly after.

Isak reads Even an article that he thinks is interesting, and it occurs to Even that they really haven’t talked about anything that matters yet, but they still have a lot of time and a lot of miles. Even’s already feeling a lot better, and Isak seems much more relaxed than he has been for months, and Even would rather wait it out than bring the mood down now.

The sunset looks different here, so Even insists on another photoshoot. Isak seems to have given up on making sure Even knows how ridiculous he finds it and just poses for him.

(“Do you know how to do a handstand? We could be like those really cool people who travel around and do handstands in front of mountains and statues and stuff.”

“Why on earth would I know how to do a handstand, Even?”)

They decide to go ahead and stop driving for the day. They’re in a good spot and both pretty tired, so they get cleaned up as best they can and crawl into bed for a movie night.

Even wouldn’t be Even if he didn’t bring a hard drive with hundreds of movies downloaded on it with him basically everywhere he goes. The only movie they can agree on to begin with is Romeo and Juliet, which happens a lot with them. They watch that movie together way too much, but it’s kind of a really nice tradition at this point.

Isak’s mood seems to have worsened when they finish the movie. He’s leaning back and not touching Even, a far out look in his eyes and blank expression on his face. Even doesn’t ask. It’s not the time for that.

He tries to pick a more upbeat second movie, and his choice is Pretty Woman, another favorite of their movie nights. Even’s watching it load when he hears Isak say, “Thank you for bringing me along. I really appreciate it.”

It’s more sincere than Isak normally is, but Even doesn’t acknowledge that, just says, “I’m happy you’re here.” Even falls asleep before the movie ends, leaning against Isak who’s playing with his hair.

\---

The third day isn’t very eventful, full of more games and photos and sightseeing, lots of photos that will probably never make it out of Even’s camera roll.

The fourth day, it really hits Even that something beyond temporary stress is plaguing Isak when he wakes up at six in the morning with a text sitting on his phone from an hour earlier.

Isak: I want milk on my cereal today. There’s a convenience store about half a mile away so I’ll just walk there. I’ll get you some too.

Isak has this habit of dropping things and going for walks in the middle of the night when he’s stressed out. The fact that he gave Even a reason for it means he’s not ready to talk about what’s bothering him yet.

Even goes back to sleep. There’s nothing he can do.

Isak wakes him up when he gets back two hours later. A mile walk doesn’t take three hours, but Even knows better than to say anything, just makes an internal note to take care of Isak today.

Isak has two of those little bottles of milk, whole for Even and vanilla almond for himself since he apparently likes that now. Even’s sentimental heart feels so full when he realizes that Isak’s discovered something new about himself on this trip, so he snaps a photo of Isak eating his cereal and makes a note of the discovery on an empty page where he’ll stick the photo later after it’s printed out.

(“Why are you taking a photo of me eating cereal, Ev? Do you need to remember that I did that when you’re on your deathbed?”

“You didn’t know you liked almond milk before we left, Isak. You’ve made an important discovery about your life on this trip.”)

Even drives and tells Isak a story about this kid from his photography class that tried to punch one of his professors after an exam and got expelled. Isak laughs and interjects and asks questions just like normal, but Even can tell there’s a little emptiness in it.

They listen to some quiet music for most of the trip, stopping at the sights, refueling their car and replenishing some of their supplies when they get to a service station. They get takeout burgers for dinner and Even sets it up like a picnic on the ground so they can just chill and watch the sunset when it starts later.

“What’s your deal with the sunset,” Isak asks.

“What do you mean by that?”

“It just seems like it’s the most important part of the day for you. You’ve made an event out of it all four nights so far.”

“You already called me an aesthetic slut and you’re asking why I like it when the sky turns all pretty and pink,” Even asks, a teasing tone in his voice, but Isak still looks serious.

“I know you think it’s pretty. Most people do, but it just seems like it’s special to you.” Even clears his throat, tries not to get emotional about how special Isak makes him feel sometimes.

“It’s just, it’s the same exact thing happening at pretty much the same time every single day, and it always looks different, depending on where you are, or the weather, or how cloudy the sky is. I just think it’s really special how something that’s happened millions and millions of times can still shock people with how beautiful it is. Don’t you think that’s so cool?” Isak’s giving him a look that he can’t decipher, and he nods, turning away again.

They both lay down on the ground and play the cloud game when they’re done. There aren’t a lot of them, so finding new shapes takes a while. After 15 minutes of searching, Even sees one that looks like a heart and turns to tell Isak, but he’s fast asleep on the ground, eyes fluttering and lips slightly parted.

It’s golden hour and it gives him an angelic look, and Even has a weird feeling in his chest at the sight. It’s weird, because Isak used to mean golds and pinks to him, and he thinks this is symbolism. Isak’s still blue and black, but he’s being illuminated by this golden light because he’s on his way back to those warm colors in Even’s heart and hopefully in his own mind.

Even can’t find it in his heart to wake Isak up for the sunset, even though they have a gorgeous view of the mountains and the water and it’s the prettiest one yet. He just has to make his photos look extra nice so Isak can see later.

Even finds himself watching Isak for a while, just feeling content with how life is going, and also Isak’s just a nice person to look at, aesthetically speaking. Even panics when he moves a little, thinks he’s waking up and is going to see Even staring at him like a creep, but he settles again.

He sleeps for hours and doesn’t move another muscle. Even starts getting tired, so he gets the blankets ready before he lifts Isak up and puts him down on their mattress, crawling in right next to him.

Isak adjusts himself in sleep, probably just trying to get comfortable in his new position, and he ends up cuddling into Even’s chest, giving a contented sigh when he finds a good position. Even can’t imagine moving him when he seems so relaxed, so he wraps his arm around Isak and sleeps.

\---

The fifth day is about revelations.

Isak’s still asleep in the same position when Even wakes up, and he stays that way for another hour. He’s disoriented when he finally wakes up, and he’s very apologetic for sleeping on Even like that, but Even just waves him off.

They decide that they should stay in a hotel tonight, because they’re both disgusting from showering with wet wipes and could really benefit from a real shower and a nice bed for the night, maybe even a well balanced room service meal depending on what they can afford.

Isak’s in a much better mood after so many hours of sleep, singing along to Even’s music choices and telling Even a story about Magnus and this girl he tried to sleep with that ended up being his English TA.

(“Like, it wouldn’t have been as bad if the class hadn’t already started, but he was just too tired in the first week to even recognize this girl that he had seen at least three times in the past few days when he saw her at the party. Sometimes I think his head really didn’t get screwed on straight.”)

Later that night, they find a decent hotel and decide not to waste money on two rooms, just getting a room with a double bed since they share all the time and that’s the cheapest option. They shower and put on clean clothes and get into bed and order some pasta from room service while Even chooses a movie.

Isak seems nervous while they eat, and when they’re both done, he pauses the movie, turning towards Even.

“Can I tell you something, Ev?” Even turns to look at him too, because it seems important.

“Of course. What is it?” Isak bites his lip, doesn’t look at Even as he gets ready to speak.

“You know how you’ve noticed I’ve been acting really weird for the last few months?” Even nods. “You remember Herman, right?” Isak’s boyfriend. Even nods again. “We, um, we broke up, like a month ago I think, and it was really bad between us, since a few months ago probably, and he said some really horrible things to me in that time, and I really started believing it until he really hurt me one time and I went to Eskild and told him everything, and he encouraged me to leave him. I haven’t felt ready to tell anyone yet, because I felt really stupid for getting to that point and letting someone say those things to me, but I’m ready for you to know. This trip is about feeling better and I need to face it. So, um, that’s what’s been wrong with me,” Isak explains, eyes shining with tears.

“Issy, come here,” Even says, opening his arms for Isak to fall into them. He grips Even’s shirt and takes a few deep breaths, Even holding him tight. “You’re so strong. You’re the greatest person I know. He’s a piece of shit for saying anything negative about you, okay? You’re so strong,” Even says, rocking Isak just a little as he holds him.

“I’m really glad you thought to bring me with you on this trip. I feel really good being away from everything and being with you and just relaxing. I know I’ve been a little out of it a few times. I’m trying to work through this, but I’m over him now. There’s just a few things left in my head that are gonna take some time,” Isak says. Even pulls back to look him in the eyes.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. This trip is about both of us needing it, not just me. You take all the time you need.” Isak nods.

“Thank you for being so patient with me, Ev. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.” Even smiles, but there’s another weird feeling in his chest when Isak calls him a friend. He looks past it, though.

“Of course. Just for the record, I think you’re the greatest friend, too.” Isak nods again. “Now, why don’t we put these dishes outside the door and go to bed, okay?”

“Okay.”

Even stays up a little later than Isak, just watching him sleep. It might be creepy, but when you find out your best friend was being mistreated in a relationship you thought he was happy in, it’s hard to take your eyes off him.

He's facing the wall for a while, back turned to Even, so Even mostly watches him breathe, listens to the sounds he makes, traces little patterns on his shoulder because Isak likes that feeling when he's awake, maybe he does now, too.

Isak rolls over in his sleep, faces Even again. His hair is getting long and falling over his eyes a little, so Even brushes it off his face. His eyes are moving behind his lids, and Even hopes it’s a good dream, puts a hand on Isak’s back for comfort just in case it’s not, and then he wakes up.

He hadn’t even realized he was falling asleep, and he thinks this might be an issue because Isak is plastered to his front, facing the other way again and holding onto Even’s hand in his sleep. Even tries to move, but Isak whines and tightens his grip.

There’s really no way out of it, Even realizes. He just has to wait for Isak to wake up, at which time, they’ll both be embarrassed by this situation. It’s not like they’ve never cuddled before, but before this trip, it’s been when they’re both fully clothed and awake, and it’s been mostly one of them leaning on the other’s shoulder with their arms around each other sometimes.

But this, this is very intimate. They’re both mostly naked and touching literally everywhere. There are absolutely no boundaries right now. Even considers all his options and wants to try to fall back asleep, because then Isak can get up once he’s awake and they won’t have to acknowledge it, but then he sees that they only have an hour until they need to check out and waking Isak is the only option here.

He pulls his hand out of Isak’s grip as fast as he can, minimizing Isak’s embarrassment and hopefully waking him up with the sudden movement, and it works. Isak jumps a little, looking around for a minute before he realizes he’s laying on Even’s arm and sits up, rubbing his eyes.

“Sorry, Ev,” he says, voice slow and sleepy.

“Don’t worry about it. We have about an hour to get out of here, so I’ll shower and you can go after if you want. You can lay back down in the car if you’re tired,” Even says. Isak just nods, getting up and gathering his things.

They’re both as quick as they can be in the shower, getting dressed and checking out just in time. Even gets a granola bar to eat for breakfast (although it’s lunch time), but Isak declines, says he’s still tired and lays down in the back. Even gets bored after an hour of driving by himself, so he stops the car and gets in the back, watching a movie on his laptop while he waits for Isak to wake back up.

As much as Isak struggles with his insomnia, he goes through periods where he feels good and can sleep for 18 hours a day. Even knows it’s kind of his body playing catch up, but he still likes to tease Isak during these periods by showing him photos of kittens and saying “I took a photo of you sleeping.” It gets an eye roll and a huff of laughter from Isak every time. Even’s honestly really happy that he seems to feel so good on this trip to sleep this much. It's pretty much the best praise to get from Isak when you know him as well as Even does.

Even can only assume that he's so relaxed from his admission last night, probably feeling so much lighter without that weight on his chest. Even can't help but feel like a little bit of a bad friend, but he's trying not to dwell on it, because there's no way he could have known without Isak telling him, and also, Isak is fine. He's okay and he's right here.

Even finds himself glancing over at him every few minutes, having to refocus himself every time he realizes. He can’t help but think about how nice it felt to have Isak in his arms this morning, clinging to him, all soft and sleepy. He thinks it just felt really nice to hold Isak and comfort him after knowing for such a long time that he needed it, and Isak is a little smaller than him, fits so nicely in his arms. Maybe they should cuddle more often.

As soon as Isak wakes up, they’re back to it. They’re on one of the developed roads today, so they make a lot more stops than they normally would, but it’s worth it. They get great views of the mountains and they go on a hike with a group of tourists who mostly speak english. Even socializes with a few of them while Isak mostly watches from beside him, clinging to Even’s arm a little when some American tourist starts trying to flirt with him using words he’s never heard before.

They’re on the mountain when the sun sets, and Even didn’t know that being this far up would make it look so much better, but it does. They stay there a little longer than they should, but Isak gets so excited by how bright the stars look and they just have to stand there and look for as long as they can.

They get a little freaked out by how dark it is on the way down, and Isak grabs Even’s hand and won’t let go when he hears what he thinks was an animal but was probably just the wind or something stupid like that.

(“Even, there are bears in Norway, okay? I’m not making this up.”

“I know, but what is a bear gonna do to us?”

“Chase us, kill us, bite us, scratch us, eat us. There's an endless amount of things that a bear could do to us, and all of them only end well for the bear. This is your fault, you know. I told you not to talk about us almost dying and now, here we are.”

“First, you didn’t tell me not to talk about it until after I already said it, and second, bears are more scared of people than people are of them. I read that somewhere.”

“That’s literally not true. I know you aren’t stupid enough to believe that.”

“I don’t. I was just trying to make you feel better. I think it was about foxes or something. Hey, maybe you heard a fox. Maybe it's friendly.”

"Foxes have claws and rabies."

"I really doubt every single fox has rabies, Is.")

It hurts a little to let go of Isak’s hand when they get back to the car. Even doesn’t know why, though. Maybe he was more scared of the dark (and the bears) than he realized.

They make a stop for dinner at some American style diner that’s open late. Isak forgot to eat when he woke up, so he hasn’t had anything and he’s starving. He thinks American food is kind of weird, though, so he takes a while to decide what he wants. He keeps biting his lip while he reads, and Even tells him to stop before he makes it bleed. Isak laughs his beautiful laugh, but goes right back to biting a minute later when he concentrates again on the menu, and Even can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to bite those lips himself.

That’s when he panics, because what the fuck? Isak is his very platonic best friend and he doesn’t have feelings for him. That can’t be what’s happening right now. There has to be another explanation for this issue of Even suddenly wanting to bite him. Maybe a bat bit him and turned him into a vampire. He thinks he should google if there are bats in this part of the country and maybe check his neck for bat bite marks when they get back to the car because that makes more sense than him wanting Isak's lips anywhere near his.

His mental spiral is cut off by a nice looking waitress asking what they’d like to eat. Even orders a burger and Isak gets a chicken sandwich, even though Even knows he thinks those are kind of a weird thing to eat, because he feels guilty for eating a burger earlier in the week because “industrialized beef production is a major component to climate change, Even.”

Even can’t look at Isak’s face for the rest of their meal. He just hopes Isak doesn’t call him out for it. He mostly keeps his eyes on Isak’s hands, watches as he plays with his fries while he’s talking to Even about something that Even honestly doesn’t have the mental capacity to pay attention to. He thinks it has something to do with bears, or maybe climate change, or maybe both.

Isak drives them for about an hour before they decide they’re done for the day, and Even lays awake as Isak sleeps right next to him. All he can hear is Isak breathing and he knows it can’t possibly be as loud as Even’s imagining it to be.

In the end, there’s only one possible explanation for Even being suddenly wrapped up in the desire to kiss his best friend. He’s just horny. He hasn’t masturbated in a week because he’s been with Isak 24/7. It’s the only thing that makes any of this make sense.

So on day seven, Even tries to remedy the situation.

They still have almost a week left. Even can’t spend all of that time building up an attraction to Isak in his head for no reason, because that could make things weird for both of them. It’s for everyone’s benefit, really.

So he wakes up early, shakes Isak awake just long enough to tell him that they’re driving towards a convenience store because Even wants milk again and that he can just stay sleeping here.

He parks in a well lit area and double checks that the car is locked for Isak’s safety, then he walks inside. The only employee is a teenager who seems to be half asleep at the register, so Even’s not worried about taking too long, just walks into the bathroom and locks the door behind him, taking his pants down and apologizing to the powers that be for doing this in a public bathroom.

He finishes pretty quickly, which only confirms his suspicion that he was really horny and not attracted to Isak. He buys two things of milk, even though he doubts Isak remembers Even’s reasoning for wanting to stop here since he’d been mostly asleep when Even told him.

He puts the milk under the seat and turns the air on to keep it cold, driving away since Isak is still sleeping and he wants to get away from this place as soon as he can, feeling so guilty for what he just did (and maybe a little guilty because Isak's face popped into his head while his hand was on his dick, but that was just a fluke).

He stops when Isak wakes up, and they eat breakfast together. A little milk dribbles down Isak’s chin when he takes a bite and Even has to take a deep breath. Maybe he did a bad job this morning or something because there’s no other possible explanation. Isak is his best friend.

It only gets worse throughout the day. Isak changes his shirt in front of Even, and he can’t take his eyes off Isak’s gorgeous body for the 30 seconds he’s undressed. Isak laughs at a joke Magnus texted him, and Even doesn’t think he’s ever been so enamoured with a fucking sound. Isak falls asleep, slumped over the middle console until his head falls on Even’s arm, and it’s the best thing Even’s ever felt. He makes him go lay down in the back with the excuse that he was going to hurt his neck in that position, but really, Even felt like a creep for enjoying it.

Once he’s sure Isak’s asleep, he stops the car, gets out, and calls Mikael, pacing back and forth and occasionally peeking in the back window to make sure Isak isn’t waking up.

“I can’t believe you’re still alive. It’s been a week, Ev,” is how Mikael answers.

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I’m kind of having a crisis so I’ll beg for forgiveness later,” Even says, and he knows he sounds a little frantic.

“Whoa, what’s wrong? Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re fine. It’s just, I think I have feelings for Isak,” Even says, lowering his voice a little just in case.

“Fuck, Even, you can’t scare me like that to tell me something I already know. Everyone has been saying for months that you guys are just in denial,” Mikael replies, but Even’s frustration grows, because he’s not getting it.

“No, it’s not like that. I know everyone has been saying that since we met but Isak and I both knew it wasn’t true. This didn’t start happening until a few days ago and I don’t know what to do,” Even says. He kind of feels like he might cry.

“What do you mean? Just talk to him,” Mikael says. Even thinks this would be the point that Mikael gets punched if they weren’t on the phone.

“That’s the worst idea you’ve ever had. You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not? Best case scenario, he feels the same way, worst case scenario, he doesn’t and it’s awkward for a few weeks. That seems much better than letting this bother you for weeks or months or years, depending on how much you like him,” Mikael says.

“You know that’s not the worst case scenario. He could think I’m a creep for sharing his bed or cuddling with him, or he could be completely freaked out by it and stop talking to me, or it could wreck our friendship if he gets another boyfriend. I can’t risk it. His friendship means too much,” Even explains, tears welling up in his eyes.

“You’re severely overthinking this. Isak loves you. He’d never let something that you can’t control ruin your friendship, no matter if he feels the same way or not. Just consider it, okay?”

“Okay, yeah, I’ll consider it.”

“Where are you guys anyway,” Mikael asks.

“I actually don’t know. We’ve kind of just been driving without any direction. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s been really nice,” Even says, a small, fond smile on his face.

“Well, it sounds like this has been really good for you. I’m really happy for you. But, listen, I have to work now. Not all of us can drop everything and run away from our lives.” Even laughs. "Just breathe, and enjoy your trip. Don't let this ruin a good time for you, okay?"

“Okay, see you soon.”

“And don’t wait another week to call me. I miss your stupid voice and your terrible opinions.” Even smiles again, agrees before hanging up and getting back in the car.

\---

Days eight and nine are for thinking.

And also a little bit for watching.

He can’t help it. He’s known since they met that Isak is attractive, but he’s never noticed how truly stunning and gorgeous he is.

He thinks it’s definitely going to be an issue being in the presence of someone he has recently discovered his feelings for all day every day for the better part of the next week.

He realizes that more and more of his photos are being taken of Isak rather than the scenery, but he can’t find it in himself to stop it.

And the big realization, the one that could ruin everything, is that these aren’t just passing feelings. He’s in love with Isak. He realizes it in the middle of the day when they’re eating some strawberries and Isak laughs when the juice of one drips onto his arm. Even has to take a few minutes outside the car by himself to calm down when it hits him.

He doesn’t know what to do, because Isak just got out of a bad relationship and this whole trip was supposed to be helping him get over that, not giving him more things to worry about. It wouldn’t be fair to Isak to tell him, but it’s also not fair to keep it from him.

But he thinks he can give himself a little more time, because Isak is humming along to some pop music that he’s stopped pretending to hate in the last few days. Even wants to remember these days and these moments in particular no matter what happens later on.

\---

Day ten starts out with Isak crying and shaking in his sleep.

He gets these really crazy nightmares every once in a while. Even’s seen him have one before, and Isak explained everything once he was awake and calm, but he refused to tell Even what they’re actually about.

Even knows that he shouldn’t wake him up, so he just smooths Isak’s shirt on his back, hopes it’s comforting, until Isak’s eyes open suddenly. Even opens his arms and Isak’s in them almost immediately, still shaking a little and taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down as quickly as he can. Even just holds him for a few minutes until he relaxes.

His shirt is a little damp from Isak’s tears, but Even doesn’t care. He just brushes Isak’s hair out of his face, waiting for him to give Even some direction about what he wants.

Only he doesn’t move. He’s calmer now, but he’s still cuddled into Even’s shoulder, trying to smooth out the wrinkles he made in Even’s shirt with his hand. He stays there and Even decides he needs to do something.

“Do you wanna know why I needed this trip,” he asks. He feels Isak nod more than he sees it. “You know I was depressed a few weeks back, and things got better like they always do, but in my head I picture it like a bunch of hurdles that I have to jump over every single time I’m getting better. There’s usually a bunch of different ones, but the last two are always the same. The second to last is the one I have to jump over to make sure my family and friends know that I’m okay, and the last one is the one that I have to jump over so I feel like myself again, and I just haven’t been able to make it over that one, so everyone around me knew I was doing better and they thought the depression was over, but they can’t see the last hurdle. Only I can and only I knew that I still felt depressed and not like myself,” Even explains, and it feels like a huge weight off his shoulders. Isak moves back a little to look at him.

“Thank you for trusting me with that,” he says, his voice a little scratchy and groggy. “Do you think the trip is helping like you wanted it to?”

“I think so. I definitely feel much better than I did before we left, but I’m still not 100 percent, you know? I guess I could describe it like, I’m on top of the hurdle and now I need to jump down from it, I guess,” Even says.

“That means you’ve already done the hard work, though. That’s really good,” Isak says. He moves closer to Even again and it falls silent until he speaks. “My nightmares are about my mom. She’s schizophrenic and she refused treatment for most of my childhood. She used to scream bible verses at me, telling me what a terrible sinner I was and how I was going to be turned away at the gate, but I know now that she probably didn’t know it was me when she was saying all of those things. I was too young to understand why my mom didn’t love me like everyone else’s, but I was just at the right age to understand that I shouldn’t be looking at boys the way I was, so I could only assume she knew and hated me. One time she didn’t recognize me when I got home from school. She screamed for an hour and locked me in a closet until my sister got home. I was too scared to fight back, and I didn’t want to hurt her. That’s what the nightmare is. Just that day over and over,” Isak says, a detached look in his eyes by the time he finishes, voice flat. Even rubs his back while he speaks.

“Thank you for telling me that. I’m sorry you had to go through something so awful,” Even says, because he really can’t imagine what a good response to Isak’s story would be. Isak just nods at him. “Is your mom doing any better?”

“She is. She lives in one of those assisted living places and she’s doing great. I see her all the time now and I love her, it’s just that one memory that I can’t get rid of.” Even hums in acknowledgement.

“That makes sense, though. No matter how much you love her and she loves you, that was a traumatizing experience. It’s okay that you can’t forget it.” Isak just nods again.

“Can we start driving now? We can nap later or something, but I don’t think I can get back to sleep right now.”

“Sure we can.”

They change clothes and hop into the front seat, Isak offering to start the drive since he’s the reason they’re awake so early. Even almost argues, but he sees Isak’s hands are still shaking just a little and he probably needs something to do right now, so he just hands over the keys.

They drive by another produce stand and stock up for the rest of their journey. They switch seats again and Isak asks for more painkillers for his head.

They reach their originally intended destination, Tromsø, by the middle of the day, so they decide they’ll find a good place to set up, stay here for the night, and start back on their way to Oslo tomorrow.

Even keeps his camera by his side for the rest of the day. They leave the car to go on a hike, and Even can’t stop shooting the scenery, and Isak, and Isak in the scenery. They both nap a little after their hike, Even’s camera battery charging up for the sunset tonight.

Even sets up another little picnic, but since the blankets are only needed for another day or so and everything is filthy anyway, he puts one of the extras on the ground for them this time.

As he’s getting everything ready, making sure his camera is on the right settings and fully charged, looking at Isak as he messes around on his phone, things feel right again. He feels like Even, and he feels like there’s so much love and happiness in his heart.

When the sun sets, Even gets some good shots, but doesn’t put his camera away just yet. The sky is beautiful, and when he turns to see Isak’s reaction, Isak’s already looking at him.

“You look really happy right now,” he says. Even smiles.

“I think I jumped down off that hurdle when we got here,” he admits. Isak smiles.

“That’s really good to hear. I’m happy for you.”

“What about you? Are you feeling better?” Isak nods.

“I think I am. I think I’m really happy in this moment,” Isak says. Even feels a little emotional at his admission. They’re just sitting there, looking at each other, and it just feels right, so Even takes a risk.

“Can I kiss you?” Isak hesitates, and Even starts to panic, but then he nods, moving forwards just a little. Even closes the gap, and everything feels so, so right.

Isak’s mouth tastes like the peach they had split between the two of them after dinner. The peach was orange, Isak is gold, the sky is pink, and it’s a sign from the universe. Isak’s presence is bringing him light and love once again, no more of the darkness and hurt that he's been covered in.

Time seems to stop when they separate, looking into each other’s eyes, filled with love and happiness. Isak pulls him back in, they get even closer than before, and there’s no coming back from this. This is what they are now, whatever this might be.

“We should talk about this, I think,” Isak says when they pull back again.

“We could do that, or we could enjoy this moment and these feelings right now and talk later,” Even suggests. Isak nods.

“That’s a good idea,” he says, cuddling into Even’s side. Even can feel both of their hearts pounding and just has to hope it’s for the same reasons.

They stay in that spot for hours, long after the sun has set. Isak points out the constellations he knows and Even tells Isak about some poetic things he’s read about the stars that he's not sure are true but make them seem even more special. Isak argues that it’s already special to be able to see lights that are millions of years old and probably already dead as they speak.

They don’t talk that night. They both start drifting off, laying out on their blanket. They only move into the car when it starts getting cold and hold onto each other as they fall asleep.

\---

Day eleven is for talking. That’s all they have to do anymore.

They wake up early, want to see the sun rise today in such a beautiful place. They stay where they are for a few hours, just basking in the feelings this place gives them, and then they start heading back.

The first thing they talk about it their route. They decide to take the main roads but pull off if they ever feel the desire. They still have all the time in the world.

The second thing they talk about is the fact that they should shower before they get home. The fact that they’re both gross at this point makes it seem less bad to them, but to their friends, they’ll probably be terribly disgusting.

They find a really cheap, run down motel. They tell the clerk that they only want to shower and they’ll drop the keys back off in an hour or two but pay for the room. The clerk informs him that they have by the hour rooms, and Even’s disgusted at the implications of that, but the towels look clean and they don’t have much money, so he gets one for an hour.

Isak says they shouldn’t walk on the floor without socks on and they shouldn’t put anything down on the bed. Even agrees with him. Isak spreads one of the towels out on the bathroom floor, says using the same towel will be less awful than whatever diseases may be lurking on the floor.

They make it quick, both because it’s gross and because they need to be in and out in under an hour. They get changed and back into the car in record time, driving away and silently agreeing to leave this experience out of the summary of their trip when their friends ask later.

The third thing they talk about is Isak thinking he might go vegan for the environment. He says it’s pretty much the best thing that an individual can do to combat climate change since the majority of the problem is large greedy corporations that have no respect for the earth, and that it won’t really make a difference but he can at least feel like he’s trying, and that turns into him making commentary on capitalism that Even’s sure he’s repeating from Jonas. Even can tell he’s rambling to hide his nerves and maybe to buy some time, because after this, there’s nothing else to talk about.

So the fourth thing they talk about is their relationship with each other.

“Is, I think we should talk about us,” Even starts. He can hear Isak take a deep breath.

“Okay, let’s do it,” Isak says. Even can hear the nerves in his voice. “Why did you want to kiss me?” It’s a testament to how well they know each other that Even understands what Isak’s asking him even though he hasn’t asked it very well.

“Because I have feelings for you, and it just felt right in that moment,” Even answers, tries to hide that he’s worried that it was a spur of the moment thing for Isak.

“I have feelings for you, too,” Isak says. Even takes a breath of relief. “When did you know? That you had those feelings, or whatever?”

“I don’t know, I think when we were at that weird diner that one night. You were trying to figure out what to order and I just wanted to kiss you, and then, when we were eating those strawberries in the back seat, you laughed and I just realized that I’m in love with you,” he admits. Isak doesn’t respond right away. “Is that okay? That I love you?”

“Yeah, yeah of course it is. I think I might love you too,” he says.

“You think,” Even asks, smiling. It’s an attempt to diffuse some of the tension, but it doesn’t seem to work.

“Yes, I think. I’m not sure yet. I know I have feelings for you but this is happening really fast and I’m confused,” Isak rushes out. Even reaches over, laces their fingers together.

“I understand, Isak. It’s okay. You and I have all the time in the world to figure this out, and we’re in this together. We’ll just take it minute by minute, right? That’s what you always tell me,” Even says, rubbing Isak’s hand with his thumb. He sees Isak nod out of the corner of his eye. “Can I ask, though, when you knew you had feelings for me?”

“Last night, when I was watching you look at the sunset and taking those photos. You just looked really happy and beautiful and it kinda just hit me. I think I probably would have started panicking about it if you hadn’t asked to kiss me,” he says. Even smiles. He doesn’t think his heart has ever felt so full.

“Well, how about I pull this car over and kiss you again? Does that sound good?”

“It does.”

Later that night, Even plugs his fairy lights in and sets his camera up to take a photo of him and Isak cuddling under them.

“I can’t believe my boyfriend is a pinterest bitch,” Isak says once Even has a good photo. Even climbs on top of him and kisses him.

“Say that again,” he says, voice low. Isak smiles.

“Pinterest bitch,” Isak says, a smug expression on his face. Even rolls his eyes. “Oh, is that not what you meant? I can’t seem to remember what it was that I said. That’s unfortunate.”

Even pins his wrists, but makes sure Isak can pull away if he wants to. He starts kissing him, and it gets a little heavy before Isak turns his head.

“Stop, Ev. This is your mom’s car,” he says, which gets Even out of the mood instantly. He moves off and lays back down next to Isak. “Let’s just chill tonight. We’ll be back home tomorrow.”

\---

Day twelve is a beginning and an end.

It’s the first time of hopefully many that Even gets to wake up in the morning and kiss Isak first thing. They’re past the point of caring about morning breath, especially on this trip.

They’re only a few hours out of Oslo, so they take their time getting the day started. Isak offers to drive, says he feels guilty for how little he’s driven the entire time. Even doesn’t mind at all, knew what he was getting into when he went on a road trip with someone who can’t stand driving, but he can’t stare at Isak if he’s looking at the road, so he gives him the keys.

They’re more relaxed than ever in the last few hours of the drive. Life feels good and chill and they’re both so happy.

Even drops Isak off at his place first when they get home. They don’t kiss just in case Eskild is somehow watching them from somewhere. Isak says he’ll shower and do some laundry and probably apologize to Eskild a couple dozen times for “abandoning guru for two weeks” (Eskild’s words) and call Even later.

Even’s place is completely empty when he gets there, and after spending almost two weeks in close proximity to someone with zero breaks, it feels much emptier than it normally might when Mikael and Adam are probably just at work and will be back in an hour or two.

He starts some of his laundry, then goes back out to the car to clean everything out. He puts all the blankets in a pile to be washed, deflates and folds up the air mattress, gets all the leftover food and garbage out, and fixes all the back seats like they were before they left.

He stores everything in a box in his closet. This is probably one of those memories that he won’t be able to resist recreating in the future. He showers and drops the car back off at his parents’, takes the tram home, and Mikael is there when he walks in the door to give him a hug and say he missed him.

Everything sort of pours out of Even when they sit down. He tells Mikael the whole story and that he’s in love with Isak and that they’re together now. Mikael just seems really happy for him and doesn’t even make fun of him for how dramatic his explanations are.

He gets a text later in the evening. It’s from Isak to say Eskild went to work and the apartment is empty, so Even jumps up and is there ten minutes later.

As soon as he sees Isak, he can’t stand to not have his hands on him anymore. They kiss in the hallway, but Isak makes sure they’re in his room with the door shut before any clothes come off.

Even would probably call it making love. Isak would call him an idiot and ask him to never say that again. Even can kind of see what this scene would look like. It wouldn’t be as quiet, because the audience wouldn’t understand the intimacy. It would have some better lighting, because Isak’s room is a little too bright. Even can imagine it on white bedsheets rather than Isak’s beige ones, but he can’t imagine thinking that the moment itself is anything less than perfect.

They just lay there afterwards, tracing outlines on each other’s bodies, laying as close together as they possibly can. Even can feel Isak’s breath on his neck when he says, “hey, Even.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” Even smiles.

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! [my tumblr](https://glitteryevak.tumblr.com/)


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